By Adam Van Der Stoep

Read in 12 minutes

Published November 11, 2024

Things just happen (for a reason?)

The summer of 2013 was a roller coaster ride. From sun up to sun down, 5 days a week, I had worked a job painting highways throughout the Midwest. 

Most weekends I would only be able to come home for a day, maybe two, at a time. And then, the night before getting on the road again, I would end up staying at a friends house that was much closer to the shop than my own. Monday mornings came early and sleeping on a couch or spare bed helped them come a little less early.

However, it never once occurred to me while making my infrequent pitstops back home to check the mail. The first time it crossed my mind was 5 days before I was set to leave for my first semester of seminary 12 hours away in Michigan. 

I remember being so excited to leave and start that next chapter of my life that I spent days meticulously packing my car. And once I had it loaded down, I topped off the gas tank filled, parked it in the garage and let it sit. I even laid out a road map and a clear set of directions on the passenger seat so.

I was all set.

But as I sifted through my mail while sitting at the dining room table , I was stunned when I found and then opened a letter addressed to me from the registrar of Northwestern college. 3 months earlier I had walked across a stage before my friends and family after I had graduated.

But apparently, according to the letter I had NOT graduated at all..

The letter from the registrar reads like this...

"Dear Adam,

Upon reviewing your degree audit to verify the completion of your graduation requirements, I see that you do not have 124 earned credits, which s the minimum number of credits need. Are you transferring in courses from another institution? I'm sorry, but I cannot confer your degree at this time.

...

My jaw hit the floor.

Yep. 

I had walked across the stage and everything. Cap and gown. Pomp and circumstance. Loads of joy and celebration to commemorate 4 years of hard work. And then, just days before I had planned to begin the next chapter of my education I discovered that I hadn't done enough work at all. I wasn’t even eligible to begin attending classes at Western Theological Seminary.

And my first thought… for whatever reason… was not to blame God (or anyone for that matter. I was responsible for my own education)… 

My first thought was…

“I bet this happened for a reason..."

"Someone I know is going to die.”

I know. That's kind of a morbid thought. It's maybe a little warped. But that is how my mind tried to cope with the sense of loss and confusion.

Thankfully I was able to enroll into a local community college and find classes that would allow me finish my degree in a single semester. 

When the dust settled and I found my new routine a couple of weeks later I found a 2014 calendar, hung it in my bedroom and marked January 15.

No matter what would happen in the coming months, I was bound and determined to leave for Michigan. Not a day sooner, and not a day later.

But then… it happened.

Days before Thanksgiving my mom broke the news. The culmination of some of her chronic had led to a revelation.

Over 200 small cyst like tumors had filled and covered her uterus. 

Were they benign?

Could they be operated on?

Was it cancer?

Was her life in danger?

I remember feeling grateful that I had been living at home that fall so I could care for her and my sister who has a wide range of special needs. 

But my worst fears were coming true. The voice that had been screamed in my head back while I sat at the dining room table in August was back and louder than ever.

Someone was going to die. And that someone was going to be mom.

For several weeks we waited anxiously as a family for the results of the labs and testing. I wasted away on the inside, questioned my whole view of the world, of life, of faith, of God, of myself. 

What if my mom dies and I can't go to seminary because I have to become the primary care-giver for my sister?

What if my mom lives and I have to stay in Minnesota to take care of them both?

Is this God’s way of saying I was never supposed to be a pastor?

WillI work in a factory for the rest of my life?

...

Who am I?

...

I was only partially relieved after learning that the cancer reports came back negative. I was glad that my mom's health was not in grave danger but still I felt a deep sense of unease about my own identity, the future I had imagined for myself, and what place in the world could be. 

Following surgery, mom made make a full recovery as expected. I played Mr. Mom for 6 weeks and ensured that things around the house and things for my sister were in order: cleaning the clothes, cooking the meals, and, of course, checking the mail EVERY DAY. 

But then the strangest thing happened. The knots in my stomach that had been building up and twisting inside of me over the fall and winter months went away almost instantly after my mom's post operation check up.

She had been given a clean bill of health.

The doctor was pleased with her progress and recovery.

He gave her permission to resume full, normal activities beginning Tuesday of the following week.

That day she was cleared was the 14th of January, 2014.

On January 15, I pulled out of my driveway as my mom an sister waved me good by.

My car loaded down just as I had originally packed it all in the first time. The only thing that was different was that sitting next to my map and set of directions on the passenger seat was an 8x11 picture frame that holding that once-in-a-life-time letter from the registrar.

And to this day, every time I see it framed on my bookshelf I have to pause and ask myself:

Do things happen for a reason? Or do things just happen?



Questions For Reflection: How do you see the world?

• Do you think things happen for a reason? Why or why not?
• What are challenges that come with believing that things happen for a reason?
• What are challenges that come with not believing that things happen for a reason?
• What do you think of this statement? "Either everything means something, or nothing means anything."
  
• How might a Biblical worldview shape our understanding for all of life's events (the good, the bad, and the worse than bad)?
• Do other worldviews offer explanations about the meaning of life that the biblical worldview cannot? How so?